Wasted days and Wasted Nights

Well, slept all day again.

Guess this working nights has me all turned around on my personal clock. So I am awake all night long and everyone else is sleeping.

I went into work tonight, it was Maggies last night on this shift. She moves to days from here on out. After 30 years of working nights, she is going to days so she can get her health in order and spend time with the grandkids. I'm going to miss her though. She's been a mentor to me, taught me a lot and encouraged me on those bad nights. I understand her reasons for moving to days. better hours, more of a social life, hell, more of a life. I'm still gonna miss her.

Due to the low patient census, I was sent home at eleven. The guys came by work tonight to see me. Both kids are spending the night with grannie, so they had some time for male bonding. I was kinda hoping to get to do some running around with them when I got home. BUT I don't think the bank account is up for much parting and Gary doesnt seem too keen on just running about town. Although I am dying to get out and sample some life. IT is soooo very rare that I get a kid free, work free night anymore. Damn. On my weekends off, Wayne has his kids here. I feel like a heel if Gary and I go out without him and leave him to babysit all the kids. LOL, so much for being grown up and able to do what I want to do. blah, There is always some little mouse nibbling at my time and energy.

Some days I am almost envious of those divorced couples, they have everyother weekend without kids and get to have a grown up life. ME, I have my hubby and kids all the time, and Wayne all the time, and his kids part time. When do I get a break?

I also think that my hormones are going insane. I been horny as a cat in heat all day today too. it has GOT to be cycle related and that peak thing. Dr Pomonis came by the unit this evening, and I about drooled on him. James even commented on how badly I was sucking up. OF course no sooner had I said something about "it's a good thing I'm married." than the two guys walked up behind me to visit. LOL. And then I had to tell on myself. :) It's just no fun flirting when you know no one cares if you do it. No reaction.

Wayne has been sulking around the last week or so. I think he's getting pissy and clingy agian because he is not getting any affection. Sorry, not something I can do any damned thing about. He makes a point of not so subletly letting me know that he knows when Gary and I have sex, and he is upset that he is not getting any. Leaves notes that he went walking. He only goes walking those nights my husband and I choose to be intamate. like he is trying to make me feel guilty about being with my own husband. Drives me crazy. I think he spies on my too. I am almost peranoid about it at this point. Wanting to put curtains up about my bed, and tin foil the windows, sound proof my room. Uck. I so value my privacy, and it's like I dont have any freaking privacy as long as anyone else in the freaking house.

Why do they think their needs are more important that mine? When I do not react to them the way the want me to, they get all pissy, and huffy. Like I am not playing the game. But it still tears me up. I WANT to make everyone happy, but I know that is physically impossible. I cant even make myself happy most of the time. HELL maybe I just need to up my antidepressent. LOL I need more happy pills that will solve everything.

Oh well, on to try and find a way to salvage this evening. MAybe get some fun and excitement out of the kid free night yet.