Update on the update, or, Life as we know it

Well, the mom type is going to be fine. A bleeding hemrrhoid that the doc cauterized and a case of diverticulitis. Just means there's some things she wont be able to eat anymore cause they are hard on the intestine, like nuts, whole corn, ya get the idea. She's out of the hosptial and back to being her mean self. Not that she ever stopped being mean, but ya know, gotta at least pretend they are nice people while in the hospital.

As for pathophys and health assessment, so far a 96% in both classes. WOOT! I was stoked. This two classes are about to drive me to drinking, stuff I have already had about 10 times at least!

Yesterday was over cardiac funcion....grrrrrrr. I started my nursing career working on a telemetry floor. So reading ECG are and everyday thing, and you have to know what is going on with the patient, cause you have to treat the underlying cause.... So lecture yesterday was like have dental work done. dohhhhhh, ya mean there is some kinda thingy that make the heart pump, and with it dont work, well, that's bad right? *beating head again*

Not to be tooooooo mean, but the class is full of 'baby nurses' they just graduated in August from VN school, most still just GVN's. I hit the unit running over four years ago, and wasnt excatly cut much slack, so had to learn fast. I know they need to know what they dont know, but when thin, blond, big boobs, valley girl, GVN starts asking STUPID questions, I would rather pull out my own fingernails than have to listen to her talk.

But as in most things, I smile, nod in the appropriate places, and just vent here when I get home. I know I must sound like a nut case on this blog, but really it's theraputic, I vent here, so the rest of the world is safe and sound, and I just smile at them and nod yet again.

;)

Update

Well. My mom was admitted to my hospital last night around midnight. They stick her on the floor I worked four years ago, Cardiac floor, and did a procedure this morning. Upper GI this morning showing nothing that would cause such extensive bleeding. GO FIGURE, it is bright red blood doc.... dont ya think it would be coming from the lower section of intestines or colon? dohhhhhh!!!!

So tomorrow they do the lower GI. I got to spent the afternoon getting her to drink 4litters of Colyte, that was soooo fun, *sarcasim* Gee, can we do that again?

Mom has a high sensativity to all things anesthetic, so they used Phenegran to knock her out. She was gorked all day! So here I am, forcing colyte down one end, trying to keep her from falling going to and from the bathroom, changing her gowns when she doesnt quite make it, and trying to stay out of the way of the floor nurses. I know them, they can be bitchy when freaked around with. The one taking care of mom today was a CNA when I worked there. *rolls eyes* she didnt impress me then either. of course with all the running back and forth, still passing blood clots, and the phenegran, mom manages to pull her IV site out. Of course the ER put in her AC anyway, so it set the pump to beeping each time she bent her arm. Hence new IV time. I left the room, just couldnt sit there and not come un-glued on someone. They are also running Q8* H/H on her, already have her typed and cross matched. I'm just waiting for the call in the middle of the night that they have to transfuse. Dad and I signed all the consents before we left, "just in case."

I am not a happy camper, tomorrow I have class all day. It's something I cant miss, I missed last week because I was so very sick. Not a way to make a good impression with the director of the upward mobility program. Dad said he'd be there, it would be okay.

Mom has a hx of her heart stopping with any type of sedation, and just cause the phenegran worked today just fine, doesnt mean it will in the morning. Does this ever get any better?

stuborn, hard headed, bitch

SO, the lovely mom person calls early this morning. Me, still sick as a dog. She wants to know how I'm feeling, cuz she needs some medical information. (grrrrrrr...am not a MD, only an LVN dam it!) She's developed a bright red rectal bleed complete with clots. I tell her to go see our family Doc. She says she doesnt want to go into the doc office. Seems that yesterday, they took my dad in to get a suspicious mole removed, while waiting, the office manager come in and wants $100.00 up front, cuz insureance didnt cover the last pre-cancer spot removed from dad. And the office manager didnt have time to call the insureance company, they were short handed, mom and dad just needed to pay an additional hundred bucks before the procedure could be done. This is after the $25.00 co-pay that everyone has to pay up front, before being maked down for an appointment slot.
So she doesnt want to go in to see doc, cuz office manager was rude to them yesterday!!! Mom says she doesnt have the money for that, but she can go to ER as soon as dad gets home from work...WTF!!!!!! ER?!?!?!?!?!?!?! That costs 4 jor 5 x as much! She says, she has insureance to cover it. (banging head against brick wall) Granted, she needs to seek treatment. I dont exactly have a scope to cram up her bottom to check where the bleed is coming from and fix it. And from the phone conversation, it was like she wanted me to somehow magically get a MD and fix her problem. THEN comes the guilt trip about how she doesnt matter, and how she doesnt work and therefore doesnt contribute to the house, so we would all be so much better off if she did hemrrhage to death. (gritting teeth, bitch) Like I have any control over some freaking office manager and like I have any way to repair a rectal bleed, OMG, I'm a nurse, not a freaking wizard! How am I suppose to help with any of this?
So I call the doctor office and ask to have the FNP or MD call me back, I know them both by name and work with them from time to time. They are both busy, so the RN doing NP clinicals calls me back, agrees that mom needs treatment, but has no way of helping if mom refuses to seek treatment. Can I strangle this woman! I called mom back, mind you, from my own sick bed, and told her I could get her in to see the doc if she would go, she refuses, states again that she will go to ER.

I freaking give up!!!!!!!! Bitch! How am I suppose to fix things for an irrational person? How to reason with neurotic people? Can you say manipulative?

So I crawled back into bed and cussed for a while, felt like throwing things and finally went back to sleep.

arggggggg, fuck, piss and vinegar, grrrrrrr, bitch.

The Class, lawyers, and softball

Ya ever notice that the hospital only wants to send you to classes, updates, semeniars when your arse deep in alagators?

I went to my ACLS renewal class yesterday. Went pretty smoothly, even if it did take all day. So my night shift for last night was canceled, but I still have to flip flop and do one tonight. No wonder my sleep cycle is screwed six ways to sunday.

Currenly with the week being taken up with college courses, I work the weekends, one weekend days 7a to 7p, the next nights 7p to 7a. Which way was up again? And dont even start trying to assess my orientation, cause I have no idea what day it is with this crzy schedule. Ha hahahahaha, good thing my patients are mostly 'pleasently confused,' makes two of us.

Anyway, on top of college, renewals, and updates, in services... yada yada yada....

I finially got a packet from my lawyer. They found the guy that hit me and nearly killed me in a car wreck two years ago. We are going to have to go to trial from the looks of it. The lawyer sends me a pack of some twenty pages of Discover. Basically they want to know every move I have made, every MD I have seen, my tax records, my education background, every place I have lived, etc etc etc for the last five years!!!! Everything but my shoe size and measurements. The lawyer also said that the other lawyer is prolly investigating me... WTF. I did nothing wrong!!!!!! I was on my way to work. Their client turned in front of me, and almost killed me.... good thing I had a seat belt on. As it was 7 days in patient and nasal/brain cavity perferation repair surgery, three months off work, and untold muscle pain, nasal pain, CSF loss induced migrains, and turning my world completely upside down!!!!!! Now they want to make me out to be at fault, and some sort of liar. OGM!!!! Lawyers... all the jokes... Ol' Will was right, kill them all. Scum sucking, low life, lying SOBs.

Anyway, time to get ready for work. The kids want a few minutes of my time. I have to hear about the girl childs softball game.. THAT THEY WON today. (is amazing, they were making the bad news bears look good.) And She made an out and a double play today! WOOT!

laterz

The phone call!

Yesterday, shortly after my last post...where I thought the only way possible for me to feel better would be for me to "make a celestial discharge," my phone rings!

And who is on the phone that means sooo much to me, that on my "death bed," I come back to life to speak to for over an hour? My girlfriend in Dallas. This is a wonderful lady, very artistic, loving, and caring. I felt better just talking to her. Then she leaves me a note on my yahoo 360. :)

I feel all warm and fuzzy! she still cares about me. I was kinda worried there for a while. We had a bit of a disagreement over my picking up smoking. She has had many losses in her life due to cancer, and it really upset her when I picked up the habit. So we hadnt really been talking in months. Actually only about 3 or 4 times since this disagreement almost a year ago. So I was terrified that I was getting completely rejected. One of my really big fears when it comes to a 'girlfriend,' is that she will get bored with me and tell me to shove off.

Relationships with other women have always ment a great deal to me. It seems like a woman can bond more closely at times with the physical aspects getting in the way less. So of the very few women I have been attracted to and the even fewer that I have had relationships with, I am completely, totally, and hopelessly in love with them.

A little bit of background. My first girlfriend approached me, we were in high school, and we really didnt have a clue as to what we were doing. But I still have a copy of every letter she ever wrote to me. She is now in a committed three way relationship with a woman and her husband. It works for them. I try to stay out of it. She thinks I abandoned her when I went to Alaska, I kinda did. For that I feel guilty sometimes. I was very young and was trying very hard to be what was expected of me to be.

I have since learned that I just dont fit into that mold completely. I have learned that while I love my husband, sometimes I just need another woman in my life.

So the lady that has my heart, and has for the last several years, called yesterday. She still loves me!!!!!!$%%*$&$($(%*$($($)$($*$ I had been kinda mopping around and brewding about it for months, unsure of our status. Now I think that maybe there is a chance! I know I have to quit smoking. I have been trying to do that anyway. My hospitial is going no smoking for the whole campus in Nov anyway. I have been to my doctor and am on a medication that is suppose to help, and she has recommended hypnosis. I'm thinking seriously about doing that. I want to quit.

The last four days of being ill, I've only had about 6 smokes total, because I was so sick, I didnt want to go outside. I dont smoke in the house, or in front my kids. It's a stupid habit I picked up due to nerves, a bitchy work enviroment, and trying to stay awake for night shift. So the work enviroment is at least somewhat better, my nerves are still shot to hell and back, and staying awake on night shift is always going to be a pain in the arse.

Anyway, diet and weight update, I have now lost 50 lbs total, and have eased up on the calorie intake restriction... I think that was the trick to coming off my plateau. I was being too strick and my body thought it was starving.... lemme tell you...not possible. So I am still taking the martial arts class, when feeling well. AND muscle does wt more then fat, so maybe I am building muscle too! More muscle means faster metabolism....faster metabolism means I may get to my goal weight.

Anyway, she loves me, she loves me, she loves me!!!!

Down day

So I have an upper respiratory infection. A pretty nasty one at that. Gee.... cant imagine where I picked that up from. *thinks* maybe the hospital?

My doc put me on a Z-pack, and some decongestants about three days ago, so why do I feel like I am getting worse and not better? :(

Anyway, the girl child earned her green strip in martial arts last night, and G is going up for his tonight. Me? I been home all week hacking up a lung.


Suppose 'ta be going to a recert class for my ACLS tomorrow. That'll be fun, oh joy. *sarcism*

well, off to crawl back into hibernation untill I feel human again.

on a true calling...

Having read over the blog of a fellow nurse, I decided it was time to voice some of my thoughts on what I do, and why I do it. http://mediblogopathy.blogspot.com/

Although hers is almost a complete opposite of my unit, this lady voiced it very well, and I encourage folks to check her out. Very insightfull. Her blog is linked in the title of this post.

I work in a Long Term Acute Care unit. LTAC for those familiar with it. We take care of the sickest of the sick that no longer qualify for ICU. My particular unit has the highest acuity of all of the simillar units in our system. We get the folks that measure hospital stays in weeks instead of days. Long term venalator weaning, stage III and IV decube ulcers, multiple diagnosis management, long term IV antibiotics and sometimes those patients that have no other placement options, those are ours to have and protect, to serve and defend. We defend them against infection, against disease processes, against loneliness sometimes, against themselves sometimes, and we do the best job we can with the medical tools and information that we have.

Due to the critical nature of our patients, they usually only hire nurses with ICU experience. I managed to get in with cardiac telemetery experience and some impressive grades in nursing school. But out of the approximately 40 nurses that we have in our pool, only 4 are LVN's, myself included, so I am pretty blessed to be here.

So to get to the point, we see alot of death in our unit. Most of these patients are medically complex and have very little in the way of 'reserves' left by the time they get to us. Many of them have been chronically ill, in and out of treatment for years, or have such an acute illness it has drained the energy from them almost completely. Sometimes we have a miricle happen. The vent patient that we though would die in the first few nights that is finially weaned off, and weeks later walks out of our hosptial under his own power. Those are so rare and held so dear to my heart. More often it's the family of a critically ill loved one that just says a thank you for taking such good care of mom or dad, that's what touches my heart.

I like my unit because normally I actually do have time.... time to devote to making those extra special rounds, seeing to it that pt 304 gets the chocolate Boost because that's her favorite. Time to know the names of pt 314's kids, and what they all did/do for a living. Time to listen, and time to let them know that they are special and someone does care. Somedays they do far more for me, than I could possibly have the expertises to do for them. A smile here or a nod of the head there. That's my passion.

I remember a story that I heard once, I think it was in a sunday school class....

a man was walking along a beach in the early morning, walking between the tide lines. The beach was covered in thousands of star fish, and the man was steadily picking up a starfish at a time, and throwing them back into the water. A jogger passed by the man, and told him he was a fool, the sun would be up and kill all the remaining starfish in a few minutes. The man said, "I know that," and continued to rescue the starfish and throw them back into the ocean. The jogger shook his head and told the man, "what's it matter, you can't save all the starfish, they'll just die when the sun hits them." The man continues to pick up the little sea creatures and throw them back to safety. The jogger watches for a while, unable to stand it, he asks the man why. The man replies, "I can't save them all, but this one I can, and it matters to this one."

It matters to THIS one. That's a thought that goes through my head alot.

later all

Ack, call me a follower, 100 things about me

I've seen this type of list on every active blog I've been on. But it is such a great idea that I thought I'd try it.

1. Nursing is one of the ways I define who I am.

2. My favorite single digit number is 7.

3. I've been married twice, the first time around was a hugh mistake, but it led me to where I need to be and allowed me to learn about who I was and want I wanted from life and my partner, so my starter marriage had a purpose.

4. That first marriage was when I as 17, newly graduated from high school.

5. I spent 9 years living in Alaska before moving back to Texas to help take care of my elderly mother.

6. I have two children, and daughter born in 1996, and a son born in 1997. They are only one year and 17 days apart in age.

7. I met my husband of 13 years while living in Alaska.

8. I hate video games.

9. My son has PDD, Asperger's Syndrome form of autism. So I am a mom to a special needs child.

10. My daughter is incredible bright, in the high achiever program at school and wants to be a doctor when she grows up. I am incredible proud of her for just being the wonderful, happy, loving, generous, beautiful little girl that she is.

11. Said daughter plays softball, so I am a softball mom/taxi service.

12. My children are more important to me than the family I was born into.

13. I married at 17 the first time to get away from my birth family.

14. I graduated high school early, and then turned down scholarships in order to get married that first time.

15. I want to grow old with my current husband, he is my BEST friend as well as my lover and husband.

16. G, the hubby, talked me into marrying him, I didnt want to get married again. *smiles* His rationale was that his military VHA and BAQ pay would increase if I would agree to marry him instead of just living together.

17. I love my mother, but she is an angry, depressed, controlling, self asorbed bitch. Yet, I still seek her approval.

18. My husband hates my mother, and I often get stuck in between wishing to please my mom, and keeping peace with my husband. He resents her treatment of me.

19. I get along wonderfully with and love my mother-in-law and sister-in-law more than my birth family.

20. I enjoy woodworking and building things.

21. The first 'real' job I ever had was as a maid cleaning other peoples houses.

22. Following jobs includes, door to door vacuum cleaner sales, car sales, telemarketing and finially working in a hardware store.

23. Before Nursing, the hardware store was the job I enjoyed the most. On weekends I taught do it yourself classes and almost went into management for the store before decided to go to college.

24. I entered college after much encouragment from my husband to follow my childhood dream of being a nurse.

25. Currently I have over 100 college credit hours. But only a certificate of completion for the nursing program Licensed Vocational Nurse. LVN for short.

26. It took me over 8 years to earn that certificate because I was attending college part time, raising children, and working full time.

27. I earned every hour of my college time myself, no one gave it to me. And I am very proud of that. So no else has any claim to my accomplishment.

28. I have many hobbies that I dabble in, accumilate all the tools for, become very good at, and then lose interest in.

29. I've been a life long reader for as long as I can remember. I like to buy my books, and collect them, rather than just borrow them from the library. That way, I can re-read them anytime I get the urge.

30. I'm addicted to technology.

31. I carry a PDA at work so I can look up drugs and medical facts instantly when a family member or patient asks me a question.

32. I started smoking after I became a nurse. Sad, I know.

33. My husband hates that I smoke, and I hate that he doesnt wear a bullet proof vest.

34. I have two older brothers, and an older sister. 13 years older than me, 10 years older than me and 8 years older than me. I was an after thought. Almost like a second family for my parents.

35. My mother has been married mulitple times, and I am my dad's only biological child. He adopted my mothers other kids when they got married, so all her children would have the same last name. He has never treated any of us as less than his children.

36. My children are the only grandkids on my hubby's side, and two of the only three on my side of the family tree. They're spoiled rotten.

37. I miss my children's babyhood.

38. After our son was diagnosied as Autistic, my husband had a vesectomy, and I had my tubes tied, so we would not be having any more children. It wouldn't be fair to our son, or any other possible children, because the boy requires so much time, energy, money, attention, and patients.

39. Our daughter, the older child, gets short changed at times due to her brother's condition. She's very understanding and has grown to understand why as she has gotten older. I still feel guilty though.

40. My husband being a cop scares the snot out of me at times. He's stable, has provided our family with security, a good living, a nice house, nice cars, and plenty of his attention. But the fear of losing him, him personally, scares me more than losing everything else this family owns.

41. I miss Alaska.

42. I really miss Alaska. That's home to me. Even with all the cold and harsh conditions at times, it's home.

43. I hate southeast texas and all the ignorant, uneducated ideas I have to deal with here. Culture shock, because it's like being time warped back 20 years into the bad ol' days.

44. Stupidity should be fatal.

45. Because of stupidity, my husband will always have job security. People keep doing dumb things to get arrested for.

46. I love Reese's Peanut Butter cups.

47. I once gave up coffee for lent. The biggest single hardest lenten season I have endured since starting to observe the pratice.

48. I have a learning disability, Dyslexia.

49. I can type almost as fast as I can think, and I spell better on the computer than in hand writting.

50. I am a terrible speller.

51. I like to make handmade gifts at Christmas to give to family and close friends. It shows that I took the time to do something, rather than just spend money. More love involved, I think.

52. I am obsessive compulsive about alot of things.

53. I stil cry at emotional movies and TV programs.

54. I am currently taking a mixed martial arts / self defense class.

55. I hold an Advanced Cardiac Life Support certification. It means I get 50 cents more an hour to be lilable for peoples lives. Kinda scary that peoples lives are only worth 50 cents an hour.

56. I grauated nursing school Phi Theta Kappa. ((they think I'm smart, and I'm not about to let THEM find out the truth. muhhhhhhhh))

57. I have to work twice as hard as everyone else on academics, due to my dyslexia.

58. My brother with the over 140 IQ is essentially unemployed, alcoholic, pot-smoking, didnt finish high school, gave up this then 13 year old daughter for adoption, bum, and Mom still likes him the best. WTF?????

59. Hubby said if afore mentioned brother ever gets caught DUI, he's running him in and enjoying every minute of it. I told him 'Good.'

60. I like the band 'Bowling for Soup,' and got to see them in concert this last summer at the skate park in my home town.

61. My daughter got me interested in the band, I took her to the concert, Jared touched her hand, and she was insane about it for the next week. Their CD goes into the player inthe car every time we get in and go ANYWHERE. I'm getting tired of that CD. Wish they would release a new one. Have to wait two more months.

62. I like shopping on ebay.

63. I love the spider lillies that come up uncultivated in my yard every fall. I think they are beautiful. Wish I could get to grow IN the flower bed, instead of by the fence.

64. In Alaska, I had raspberry bushes and patunia's in my garden, here in Texas I have a wild rose bush, spider plant, wonderint jews, and cannas. All low maintance plants. I want a garden without all the work.

65. my favorite holiday is halloween.

66. I grew up baptist, but now attened Catholic church with my husband and children. Me, I believe that its all between me and God, the flavor is irrelavent.

67. I'm not an attend church every time the doors are open type of person, I feel my spirituallity is personal, but I do attend services when I can.

68. One of me favorite foods: Sliced Granny Smith Apples dipped in a mixture of peanut butter and honey. yummmmmmm.

69. Prolly my favorite double digit number 69, but not for why you think. It's in one of my identification numbers, makes it easy to remember.

70. I dont like math. I can do it, as long as it's not some complex algebraic formula that Einstine would cringe at, just hand me my PDA.

71. I play Runescape online. But not as often as some people in my house.

72. Managing money is hard for me. The more money I have, it seems like the worse I am. During those 'poorer' times the hubby and I have endured, I did better at holding the checking acount in check, than when we are making good money. Somebody explain that to me? Shouldnt it work the other way around?

73. I collect monopoly stuff. The different speical edition board games, coffee cups, kick-nacks, Johnny Lightening monopoly themed cars, and christmas orniments.

74. I also have the Hallmark Star Trek orniments going back to the orginal one in 1990 or 91. I had all of them expect the very first one, and then last year hubby paid large dollars for the first one for me as a christmas present. It was the most unexpected thing he's ever given me. I'd wanted it for years, but looked on with envy due to the price. ((there goes that money management thing again.))

75. I use to watch the orginal Star Trek TV show with my day. It was a bonding thing for us. I think that is where my love of technology stems from. Dad is a TV repair man, among other electronics, so gizmos and thingamagigs are in his blood. Guess some things breed true.

76. When doing laundry, I use a kitchen timer to help me keep up with when it is time to switch loads around. It takes approx one hour to wash or dry a load of laundry, and then about 15 minutes to fold or hang it up. Sooooo, for each load of laundry my family generates in a week, it takes 2 hours and 15 minutes to get it clean, dry, and back into dresser and closets. That's alot of man hours(....er....woman hours in this house) just so they can say, "Mom, I have nothing to wear."

77. My cell phone bill is more than my home phone, and even when at home, I'll pick up the cell to call people.

78. I hate homework and projects, but I put alot of work into and do it anyway.

79. After I get my RN, and am making the big bucks, I plan on have a tummy tuck and liposuction, or maybe even a complete body lift. So I can have my pre-baby body back.

80. One of my teenaged dreams was to get to go to Paris France. It's yet to happen, but maybe after the tummy tuck.... *smiles*

81. I want to send my parents on vaction to Haiwii before they get too old to enjoy it.

82. I also want to be able to buy a grave marker for G's father. I really wish I could have met the wonderful man that helped raise my hubby to be the man he is today.

83. I think time travel would be so cool, but only as a tourist. If you actually went back and changed things, like the TV and movies show, I think it would actually mess up more stuff than it fixed. a la "Butterfly Effect."

84. It's my opinion that it's silly to think that humans are the only intelligent life in the entire vast universe we live in... the other beings may even be smarter, they're avioding us aren't they?

85. Dishonest people really piss me off.

86. Being sick makes me grouchy and demanding.

87. I make a lousy patient when sick, and my hubby hates it, cause he's usually the one having to tend to me.

88. I tend to stress out about the future.

89. Most of the things I worry about always work out in the end, even if it takes what seems like forever to do so.

90. I like the taste of green tea.

91. My favorite Disney character is Tinker Bell.

92. After looking thru my closet, I discovered that I buy alot of gray colored clothing. Black seems too harsh, and I am so not a bright primary color person. My auto is also gray. Guess it just tends to blend into the background better. So I own alot of gray.

93. I love the sound of the rain, but I dislike thunder storms.

94. I like to sleep when it rains.

95. My favorite time for making love seems be around 2pm. The kids are at school, and if our schedules permit, we have both slept late, had a nice lunch and are feeling all warm, and cozy.

96. Normally I have a high sex drive. I like it, and I'm not ashamed of it.

97. I dislike the sound of my own voice recorded and played back. I think I always sound stupid.

98. I've been in three very bad auto accidents in my life. In two I could have easily died, but I was wearing my seat belt.

99. When I do die, I want my brain to go to Autism research, donate any organs or tissue that is usable to another human being, and the rest of my cast off shell can be cremated. Just sprinkle my ashes into the ocean.

100. I believe in God and I really do think that Jesus paid for all my sins. I dont however go around tring to cram my beliefs down other people's throats.

Hahahaha Encouragement, just what I need

This is like, not funny.

Worked all weekend, 12 hour shifts with a heavy patient load all weekend. Some how, folks just equate nurse with waitress, maid, and slave labor. So much for the most trusted and respected profession, ranking higher in public opinion polls than even doctors. It's gotta be cause we smile and shovel garbage at the same time. In nursing school, we are almost brow beat into believing that doctors are gods, (little g as I am a monothesis), and patients are always right. Soooooo, you have sick, uncomfortable, cranky, many times mentally challenged, very old people cussing you out and trying to knock your socks off every time to enter the room telling you how much you abuse them, and that they are gonna kill you with a gun, JUST because you are hanging up and I.V. antibiotic. This is medication, going into al already exiting IV line, fluids already running on a pump, all I have to do is hook up an piggyback line. Lady cant even feel any difference in the medication and fluids. And she's threating me, and attempted to hit me! She's as confused as a june bug, and twice as annoying. Me, I have to smile, nod, and do my job, all the while holding back there desire to just throttle her. I really do love my work, it's fatigue talking.

Strength of will is NOT hauling off and hitting half the people that need it, and instead killing them with kindness while picturing them with a noose around their necks. And that is just the families. *psychotic laughter* sorry, three rather rough twelve hour shifts, on my feet, and very little sleep have me a bit...... neurotic? The night shift seemed like such a good idea when this started, but that was before, "ah, mom? I dont mean to wake you up, but...." insert any demand you like, they all start like that, and generally could well wait and be addressed when I climbed out of bed at 1630.


*Picture the mad tea party from Disney's Alice in Wonderland* New topic:


Sept 11.
After 5 years, and it still just makes my chest ache. It's like my mom's generation and the Kennedy assassination, I remember where I was and what I was doing when I heard what was happening to our country. I remember going out for lunch after getting home from my basic nursing class ( the CNA course) and walking into the pizza place, having all the TV's on the news and watching the planes hit. Over and over again, seeing the planes and pentagon and bellowing smoke. How it hit me in the center of my chest, 'we're not safe anywhere.' How I watched the New York Port Authority and fire fighters rushing into burning buildings, just thinking, "Oh my God. All those innocent people." G and I went to see the movie a few month back, about the plane that crashed in a field in PA. It chronicled most of the events of the morning and what happened on that last plane. Very powerful. Very important. Not for entertainment, but for remembering. I know there is another movie out now about the events of 9/11, but I really dont think I can see it yet. Maybe when it comes out on Dvd, but not now. I am going to try and keep the TV off today and possible the rest of this week.

Those things just still hurt so badly. It's so close to home for me. As a nurse and the wife of a police officer, had that happened in Texas, that could well have been us. We have flown on plenty of airplanes. All those innocent people. Just gone without any regard to the sanctity and preciousness of those lives. How could anyone be such a monster? How could anyone celebrate the loss of so many innocent people. People just going to work, just doing everyday things, just nose to the grind stone, pay the bills, and punch the clock day after day. Ordinary people killed in the thousands, just for being in America. No provocation, no hostile intent towards their unseen killers, just Joe Average Citizen doing a civilian job, unaware that some one was about to turn them into cannon fodder.

How can anyone be so evil? And why dont we have Osama yet? Like Saddam, he needs to be captured alive, that way is not a martyr. Put him on Trial to show just how much of a monster he is, and them put in jail, isolation, with no way to get his message out, like the American terrorist was censored. Silence him, without giving him his "30 virgins." What a crock. WHAT evil did the 30 virgins do to be forced to endure his ass for all eternity?

well, enough of a rant, time for some sleep.

Life is soooo unfair

So I had this great post written up...and the freaking computer ate it.

Anyway, to try and recreate it. I was ranting on things. Katrine and Rita. Government programs, and general social commentary. My job and school. The kids, husband and friends. Gone, poof, lost to the cyber gawds.

Anyway.... some of the highlights.

Several years ago, while trying to get my son's SSI renewed. I had recently graduated from nursing school, and my husband was working at one of the correctional compounds. We went in to provide our yearly documentation. Yes our son was still Autistic, yes he still needed special medical and psychological services. Yes our insurance still did not cover it, and finally, this is how much money we make, just peek into our private financial matters by coping our tax returns. We made $32 too much to continue to qualify for help with our son. He will be autistic for his entire life, and he will need special accommodations for his entire life. BUT because we both worked, and both were trying to meet the needs of our household. We didn't qualify for government help with him. The lady taking our information has the nerve to turn to me, and say if I would divorce my husband, and reapply, we would qualify for a full gambit of services. WTF??? Then she says that as long as we didn't mention that hubby lived at home, nothing else would really have to change. Just our legal status as married. Talk about a marriage penalty. Some people might go ahead and take that road, but I feel like that is wrong and unethical. So we just pay out of pocket for the things he needs. Let me tell ya, it ant cheap.

So fast forward a few years. Here we are hearing all week about the anniversary of Katrina. I live at hurricane Rita ground zero. So my sympathy went out the door about 11 months ago. About the time we started trying to rebuild our lives and faces wall after wall, because the folks from the Big Easy, had abused the help given to them. So the citizens of Texas and southwest LA, pay the price for the abuse. WE just rolled up our collective sleeves, broke out the chain saws, put on some grubby clothes, tolerated sweltering heat, and pulled ourselves up by the boot straps. Meanwhile the new oleans folks are out, living on luxury cruise ships, getting government sponsored tattoos, more aid and charity than you can shake a stick at, and lapping it up, standing around with hands out stretched demanding more of my tax dollars for free. WTF??? My family and I did get the living expenses 2 grand, but that was it.... And it took all of that to just compensate for being forcible exiled from home for three weeks, with little more than the clothes on our backs. FEMA, did not impress me, where is my flat screen TV? or my new hud house? or my celebrity star studded aid concert? Most folks may not know it, but the Katrina and Rita funds are totally separate. One does not cover expenses for the other. And here is the real kicker. Those that evacuated from New Oleans and came here.... They got benefits from BOTH!!!!! *smacking head on wall* How did that come about again?

Okay switching gears. The house is finally "The Banks", and in bout 15 -20 years ours. I got my but in gear and am currently taking the last two classes required for the upward mobility nursing program. So, God willing, next June I can start the program. After talking to my sister-in-law this afternoon, I think we will be sending the kids to spend next summer in Alaska with the family there. It will give the family time to see the kids, the kids time to really get to know the whole family there, and give me time to concentrate on school. So kinda a two birds for one stone thing.

Let's see..... There was more I really wanted to go over, but just haven't remembered yet. I do plan on trying to update. Just a matter of finding a few spare moments here and there. Time is a very precious commodity around this household.

Oh yeah. Martial Arts class. Started that this last June. Was looking for something for the boy child to get involved in as an activity. Well, cant have just one kid involved and not the other. So then the hubby decided that he wanted to go as well. Would be good training to help him out in the field. As a cop, any advantage is a good one. Then they all turn to me with questioning eyes and bullied me into it. So now the whole family is taking classes. Not bad really. It is something we can do together. The kids class is first, followed by the adults class. Four nights a week. The hubby, the daughter, and myself have now achieved our first belt. Yellow. The boy has his yellow strip, possible to get his belt at the next rank test. We are taking a mixed martial arts, self defense flavor of karate. Little of this and that thrown in for better on the street usage.

This is not some cookie cutter, money making, never helpful in real life school. He's not a francaise, its a private studio with a 5th degree karate black belt as instructor/owner. He also works at the county wide jail...Hence how G knows the guy. They bump into each other when G arrests people and had to bring them in. Despite to popular belief, we really do have a full jail, not just a two cell Mayberry drunk tank.

yes yes now I remember... the very peeving me off, munched post. I was complaining about never having time.

The girl child has softball (fall ball, all tournament play) practice twice a week, with games on the weekends. As mentioned before martial arts four nights a week. My school all day on Wednesday. My working every weekend, and G's weird ass, flip flop never can remember it so I have to write it down, work schedule. Can you see where this might not add up? Trust me it, don't. The girl child misses karate twice a week currently, and I end up missing all of her softball. The neighbor ends up taking her at least once a week. His daughter and ours are best friends, and they are never far apart if possible. Anyway, the neighbor also happens to be one of G's best friends in the whole world. Or as G says, his beeiatch. (like bitch, but a kinda ghetto pronunciation.)

So that's it for now. I have learned however to start saving my posts as drafts frequently while working on them.